I offer a complete Feng Shite consultation service for homes of gullible people with little or no common sense. I have been involved with Feng Shite for at least ten minutes and have receieved a mail order certificate from the Bum Suk school of excellence, with Grand master Bum Suk telling me personally to 'fuck off and stop stalking me you utter cunt-garbage'.

Prices are calculated by the voices in my head. Bear in mind that I live in a caravan, so most of what I will tell you is utter bollocks.

I also offer a hypotherapy service for those who want to stop wanking or other bad habits. Do bear in mind that as well as having to sit close to me, you will need to look at me for a considerable length of time.